Detachment

I have been able to achieve deep meditative state a number of times recently. But it troubles me that instead of feeling peaceful, I feel distressed while being in deep meditative state.

I feel like I am in a void, having no control over where I am going to. At times, I feel like I was falling into an abyss. It’s actually quite difficult to explain it, because it’s something I have never experienced before.

Perhaps, it’s because deep meditation has brought me away, detached from “self”. If that’s the case, then I must have been doing it the right way. Then my fear is understandable because letting go of one attachment to the “self” is the hardest thing to do.

Let Not Blind Faith Blinds Us

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

~Buddha

Death

Once upon a time, there lived a prince who was said to be destined to be either a great king or a great spiritual leader. His father, the King, fearing that his son will walk down the spiritual path shielded him from the suffering of the world and showered him with great luxury. One day, the prince decided to venture out of his palace to observe his subjects. Along his journey, he saw an aged man, a sick man, a corpse and an asetic. He returned to his palace, disturbed by what he has seen. The prince left the palace the very night, and started his journey to enlightenment. That prince was to become Gautama Buddha. Through the Middle Way, Buddha found peace and clarity of mind. He sought to move away from the extremes. He found enlightenment, and achieved Nirvana six years after the beginning of his journey.

In his last words before he entered the state of Nirvana, he said;

“Behold O monks, this is my last advice to you. All component things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Work hard to gain your salvation Do your best,”

And he left the world, where he no longer has to go through rebirth. He no longer has to experience death.

All men fear death, for death takes everything away from men. I fear death. One my journey to college this morning, there was one elderly couple who were discussing about their sickness. In the cafetaria just now, I spoke to a lecturer of mine, who just one month ago was hospitalised for a life-threatening condition. The elderly couple and the lecturer; they look so frail and fragile. They remind me that as strong one can be, we all cannot escape the cycle of life; birth, ageing, sickness and ultimately, death. 

Enjoy our life while we still can; but the more we enjoy our life, the more we want to cling on to our life isn’t it?

I am still on a quest to understand Buddhism. I feel at peace the most when I am in Buddhist temple, and nowhere else. But I find myself not brave enough to accept the impermanence of everything, especially life. I feel like clinging on this life forever.