Onto Two Of My Dimensions: My Thoughts and Emotions

This is Part One of My Thoughts and Emotions, a reflection of my thoughts and emotions during my idle time in my work place.

I started working last Monday at Body Glove, Mid Valley. Work has been fun and boring. Fun in the sense that I was kept entertained by my colleagues and their lame, yet funny jokes. Boring, because the job is practically one dimensional, where there is absolutely nothing to do when there is no customers. It is an absolute no brainer. I have deliberately choose this non-brainer job over other for a number of reasons. Over the past one and a half year, I have officially drained myself emotionally and physically and I seriously need a break. I have always thought that multi-tasking is my forte, but evidently it is not. I have been juggling studies, family, work, Rotaract, friends and personal lives for the past one and a half year. I know of people who have more things than that in their lives, and they have managed to achieve a balance between all of them, and I salute them.

It is interesting to observe how all my commitments eventually become related to one another. Studies are work, work is my personal life, my personal life is Rotaract, Rotaracters are my friends, my friends are my family, and my family, they are my everything. For close to half year, my life revolves around coping with my studies and my work in a local college. Then, when Rotaract comes into the picture, a burden was added to my shoulder, a burden I readily and voluntarily embrace without regret.   

Rotaract has been nothing short of phenomenal to my life, and to think of it, I have only been in this amazing organisation for less than one year. Yet, despite the positive impact it has done to me as a person, sometimes, I do question my decision in joining Rotaract, let alone start a new Rotaract Club in the college. It is not because I doubt the viability of this youth movement, but rather my suitability in joining a service oriented movement which places an emphasis on fellowship.

The problem is, I can be at times, and above all, a misanthrope, which simply means that at times, I dislike people. In one of my off days, I yearn to be a social hermit. There are times when I would love nothing than to be left alone, and there are moments where I dread the customory small talks in social functions. But, true to the Jekyll and Hyde in me, there are too moments where I can engage in long and interesting conversation, but this is more not than often.

Being in Rotaract has forced me out of my shell more. It is different from Interact. In Interact, I work only with my close friends, my Interactors from the same club. In Rotaract, I need to deal with people who I do not know well, and being a person who is absolutely slow in “breaking the ice”, I must have been seen to be aloof by others. I guess it is the lack of confidence in me in carrying out conversations. Rotaracters from ATC would have noted that their President is not someone who is quiet and lacks opinion. It is my hope that I can cure this disease, and yes, I do know that the only cure is my ownself.

But, as much as I have questioned my presence in Rotaract, I must admit I do not regret having made the decision. It is a decision I know would not only benefit me, but a lot of other people. Rotaract has given a chance to my college-mates to expand and imporve themselves. It has certainly given me that chance, and it is my hope that students from ATC will benefit from Rotaract for years to come.

During the District Awards Night last Sunday, a number of Presidents from other clubs, and the DRR himself (now, IPDRR) celebrate the end of their term. I am one of the odd few who would be continue for another term at the helm. I have decided to look at it a positive way; not everyone is given a second chance. I have been given a second chance by my members to further improve and strengthen the club. I am grateful for this opportunity. I will endevour not only to improve the club, but also to improve myself. If I have ruffled anyone’s feathers over the past one year, I promise to make things right for you. 

I once told a good friend of mine, “I am tired of babysitting people,”. I know it is harsh, but that was during a low point of my life where I felt that my work and sacrifices are not appreciated. But I came to my senses and figured that I should stop seeking validation from people in everything that I do. Do something because you truly believe in it and because you really want to do it, don’t do something because of another person or for another person. Only then that you will take satisfaction from your work, because your work does not depend on other’s validation but yourself.

Well enough for today. My Thoughts and Emotions will continue in the next few days time. Till then, bye!